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J-Log Episode 6. What I Woke Up Too...


Click to Play
Don't worry this post is like 1 minute long at the max. I think. It's short.

By: Jeans Pants | Saturday, September 30, 2006 at 7:25 PM | |

Vlog Episode 5 Justin Strikes Back.


This is long. If it's too long just skip ahead 10 minutes.? But I actually think you might enjoy my story. I hope so. I was a little tipsy when I made it. =0)



Click to Play

By: Jeans Pants | Friday, September 29, 2006 at 11:50 PM | |

Vlog. Episode 4 "I could die like Doc Holiday, that could be cool


Click to Play

By: Jeans Pants | at 3:20 PM | |

Vlog Episode 3 'The Phone and I"


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By: Jeans Pants | Wednesday, September 27, 2006 at 11:30 PM | |

Vlog #2. It's Dark but it was the best take I had. I turned on the wrong light


Click to Play

By: Jeans Pants | Monday, September 25, 2006 at 2:00 AM | |

I Don't want to Bring You Down

Re-Cap. Yesterday went to buy Jackass tickets on my lunch. Found out I had to return them after work. I asked people if they would go with me and I would pay for their tickets. No one could go. This morning I woke up and went to work like this



Yup I wore a different shoe on each foot. When I woke up today I kept hitting the snooze button, got up too late and that is what happened.

While at work I grabbed a request off form to fill out for next month. I left the form on the counter at work and I went to help a customer. When I got back my request off was missing. It was now on the floor with a 5 year old girl who drawing pictures all over it. How the hell did she get it down from my counter which is pretty high off the floor.

Tonight I had a pretty good night with the exceotion of the fact I have trouble controlling my emotions. My friend's Mike and Amanda took me and my friend Angela too a Vlogger seminar which was in the Apple store located at the Grove. It was a lot of fun.

After the seminar we all went out to dinner. We went to a farmers market where we basically had a wide variety of foods to choose from. I chose the chinese food and upon finishing proceded to get sick . My stomache started to burn immediatly and I felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart.

That jump started me getting depressed again. I felt alone for some reason. It didn't make sense. It still doesn't. I got up and took myself for a walk. At the Grove they had a little Halloween store. I got excited. I ran up to the store and as I walked in they asked me to leave because they were closing.

Because I wasn't any less depressed from when I left the table I decided to keep walking. I noticed a K-Mart across the street. I don't really like K-Mart but I figured they might have some cool Halloween stuff to look at. I should first tell people that I had my famous backpack with me and in it was 'The Office" season 2. As I walked into K-Mart I the alarm went off. It took me by surprise until I realized what was in my bag. Security headed my way and I decided to head out. I wasn't in the mood to deal with that. I then headed back to the table where I found myself calming down and returning to the sane world. That's when dinner ended.

Even though I got to spend little time with the vlogger people I I found them to be very interesting and well, cool. The short time I spent with them were informative and fun. I'm sure they thought I was a real freak which I guess I am.

When I got home tonight I tried to find something to do to keep my mind at ease. I started to upload pictures from an "A Faulty Chromosome" concert I went to. I wanted to upload about 10 but blogger stopped uplaoding pictures after I did 2. So here I am now. Writing this.

No ending. This is it.

By: Jeans Pants | Sunday, September 24, 2006 at 12:40 AM | |

A Faulty Chromosome concert. Fun was Had by Me.

I went to go see A Faulty Chromosome the other night and here are my pics

This is me and my black friend Christina. She's black

Below is my friend Sonia. I hadn't seen her in months.


Here is a picture of me and my Iceland friend Angela.She likes to blow her nose in her hand. It's an Iceland thing.


This is my friend Amanda. She was really happy to be there. You can't read what it says on her shirt so I'll just tell you. It read "Kill More Queens". I don't get it.

Here is me and a member from the band. His name is Matt. He's thrilled

Here is me with the singer/songwriter of the band Eric.


Yup I made her take another picture.

And here's the band.



And now the bathroom. It was the cleanest bathroom I'd ever been in.

You could seriously eat off of the bowl is was so clean.

Here's what was written above the toilet. It's words of wisdom

That was my night. Woo hoo

By: Jeans Pants | at 12:18 AM | |

I Filled Up My Gas Tank, Success!!! ( this post is kind of dumb, feel free to skip it)

Today's a disaster. Since I always vent about work, and people are sick of it, I will just tell one work story tonight. So I'm in mid-sentence explaining to a customer what colors a product comes in when I found myself being forcably turned around by a fellow employee. I didn't know what happenned. I was completly pulled out of the moment. Once I was swung around that employee pointed to a big breasted, short skirt blonde girl. I was still confused. When I turned around back to the customer he looked pretty angry that I was taken away from him to look at a hot girl. I was pissed too. I basically figured out where I left off in my color explanation when I asked the customer to hold on a sec. I asked the employee if that woman was famous or something and he responded with "no, just hot!". I continued to be pissed and went back to helping the customer. After that happenned I gave myself an extra break. I sat down in the break room contemplating whats worse, the customers or some of my fellow employees.

During my lunch, instead of sitting down, I went and got me and Mollye Jackass Number 2 tickets. I made it back just in time to clock in. I did this during my lunch so I could avoid going to the theater after work that way I'd have the opportunity to go straight home after work.

Then I got a call from Mollye asking if me if I would mind of she stayed in Santa Barbara an extra day for work. She had been there already for 2 days. I should tell you that Mollye makes really good money when she's there. So I said it was fine and I found myself returning to the theater after work to return the tickets.

So on my way home I stopped by Best Buy and bought myself the "WildBoyz seaons 3 and 4" box set. I had a $20 coupon so it only cost me $10. Then I went to Costco and bought myself a $2 slice of pizza. Yum yum.

I get home around 7:15, sat in front of the computer and tried to write. First I tried writing part of a script I was working on but I got depressed when I thought about a movie trailer I had seen last night thats title was the same name as what I was titling my script. So I got depressed and stopped. Then I tried to blog something fun and instead out came this.

Wait I'm jumping ahead of myself, I went to Blockbuster to possibly buy a cheap used game. I coudlnt find one. I then bought some gas and headed home.

That's this post. The End

By: Jeans Pants | Friday, September 22, 2006 at 10:48 PM | |

"Attack of the Neighbors" screenplay by George Lucas starring The Justin and Colbert

Justin
As a lot of you may know already my friend Mike caught a strange man
climbing his balcony about 2 weeks ago. Without even thinking
Mike ran after the guy. He didn’t catch him.

J. Colbert
Was it because Mike's lazy? Is he a fat man?

Justin
You know what he looks like. Anyways, he didn’t catch him. The only description
he could remember was that he was a black man with dreads.

J. Colbert
Maybe if he wasn’t wearing that white hoodie and carrying that burning cross Mike would…

Justin
Have caught up to him? Yeah you said this once before.

J. Colbert
Just stating the obvious

Justin
So the other day, yesterday I think, my friend (for security reasons we won’t use her real name, we’ll just call her Angela) Angela was sleeping only to be awoken by her neighbor from below who was blasting his music at 5 am.

J. Colbert
What kind of music?

Justin
Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.

J. Colbert
Yes it does actually. Let’s say if he was playing Daft Punk, Billy Idol or Elton John from the 70’s then she should have knocked on his door and said “let’s jam”. But if it was something like Linda Eder or Elton John from the 80’s then she should have called the Police.

Justin
You don’t like Elton from the 70’s? Who’s Linda Eder?

J. Colbert
Elton from the 80’s is the kind of music John Lennon or Jim Morrison would have wrote if they weren’t high all the time and to answer Linda Eder, she’s some sort of a Broadway great. She was in Jekyll and Hyde and other shitty musicals.

Justin
How are you familiar with Linda Eder?

J. Colbert
How are you familiar with her?

Justin
Ah, touché. Moving on. So he playing music at 5am which I guess he’s famous for. Angela banged on her floor with her broom to get his attention, hoping he would turn it down.

J. Colbert
Is she a witch?

Justin
Is she a witch….oh because of the broom? You’re an idiot. So once she starts banging on the floor he starts banging back, and swearing loudly. Oh on a side note Angela said this guy is a big druggie.

J. Colbert
Why, because he’s black?

Justin
No one said he was black

J. Colbert
Oh. Was he?

Justin
I don’t know

J. Colbert
So he probably was

Justin
Then the guy comes running up the stairs and starts banging on Angela’s door and calls her a Mexican cunt.

J. Colbert
I thought she was Spanish

Justin
That’s because you’re ignorant. So she has moved on for the time being and is living with her sister. The landlord I believe is giving the guy 3 days to clean up or he’s evicted. Even if he does get evicted he’s still there for 30 days.

J. Colbert
And 30 nights

Justin
Thank you. People would have been confused if you didn’t add that last part.

J. Colbert
So Mike had a random black man with dreads climb up his balcony and Angela had a black junkie neighbor…

Justin
No one said he was black

J. Colbert
…he banged on her door and called her names?

Justin
Yes

J. Colbert
Neither one of them got a good look at the persons face?

Justin
I don’t know

J. Colbert
It was probably Bob Marley

Justin
What? Isn’t Bob Marley dead?

J. Colbert
Let’s IMDB him…….Yup he’s dead. It was his ghost

Justin
Come on!!!

J. Colbert
Angela should have opened the door and offered him some heroine.

Justin
I don’t think she has that stuff.

J. Colbert
Have you ever been in her apartment?

Justin
No

J. Colbert
Oh there’s heroine everywhere

Justin
What?

J. Colbert
Especially under her bed.

Justin
How would you know this?

J. Colbert
I have friends on the inside. Don’t get me started on her bong collection

Justin
Ok this is over

J. Colbert
Hey man this is the type of stuff witches do.

Justin
She’s not a witch. We’re still on that huh?

J. Colbert
What if she was so high she imagined it all.

Justin
Forget it I’m pulling the plug. Angela take care of yourself

J. Colbert
Lay off the Reefer.

Justin
OK and Mike Good job with what you did. That was crazy and brave

J. Colbert
Next time you see a black person, try not to chase him.

Justin
Especially if it’s Bob Marley.

J. Colbert
Good one.

By: Jeans Pants | Wednesday, September 20, 2006 at 10:34 AM | |

The Night He Came Home



He is referring to I so I am the one that came home. Yes me. I'm home. And what kind of trip did I have? But a Happy/Sad trip. I had the best of slimes and I had the saddest of slimes. But slimes was had by all.

What am I talking about? Does it matter? Neh. The point is the prodigy has returned, so be ready to be inspired by my genius. It's time to spice things on this blog. For now on this will not be referred to as "my blog". Blogs are for pussy's. This will be referred to as "my shit". Example: Hey did you read my shit last night?". There you go. OK Im going to post a few pics. Just a few. I have nothing to say...or do I?

Ok Im just going to say that the guy in the photos below is a very good friend of mine named Chris. I've been friends with him since my sophomore year in college and we still keep in contact. He's a good guy. and he likes the taste of my nipples. My nipples contain prune juice. It's good to clean out your system. The little kid int he pics below is my new best friend, Mollye's little cousin Timmy. He's a loud energy conductor. Then the pics below him are pics from a rest stop that had bunny's everywhere. I'd never seen anything like it.















By: Jeans Pants | Monday, September 18, 2006 at 11:12 PM | |

"My Very Special 9/11 Vlog Post" by Justin Colbert

I attack the newest threat to America. My freind's Blog.



By: Jeans Pants | Monday, September 11, 2006 at 10:52 PM | |

At Peace With Life...and Pissed at it for letting me get Sick and Preventing Me From Seeing 'A Faulty Chromosome" Tonight

Coming Attractions

If all goes well there will be a new video post tomorrow night.


That was the coming attraction. Did you like it? Ok so Tuesday night I got an earache. Wednesday I thought I was better. Skip ahead to Saturday, tonight. A night to which I had a horrible runny nose, a bad sinus headache and no voice. Oh, and had to work, forgot about that. I should be in bed but my neighbors are having some sort of polka music concert next door which works out great because I couldnt go see "A Faulty Chromosome" tonight because I felt too sick. This polka stuff is the next best thing.

Yeah I'm mad that I felt awful and couldn't go tonight. I feel even more upset that I now realize that I could have gone to see them and traded this shitty crappy music I'm hearing now in for some good old fashion rock, I mean alternative, wait I mean Good music =0).

What makes me content with life? A few months ago my friend Eric (who happens to be the soul of A Faulty Chromosome) told me that when I'm at work that I should not care. Not not care about getting the job done but just not care about other employees and customers. I did do that and I felt great. Than I got in my head that I should apply for some upper level positions to earn more money which would basically help me take care of Mollye. Not that she needs taking care of I just like to have that mind set. Ever since then I started caring again, work has been harder then ever. I just cared about too many things.

Starting tomorrow I have decided to not care anymore. As a result things should turn out the way they were back when Eric first gave me that advice. Easy going.

I guess that's the only part of life I'm at peace with. Yeah no big endings. Disapointed?

I'm going to try and go to bed again. After all I got 8 hours before Gabby wakes up and starts terrorizing the neighborhood. Fuck you Gabby.

By: Jeans Pants | Saturday, September 09, 2006 at 11:41 PM | |

"Justin's a Contradiction" by J. Colbert

Before reading this post read the one below

Did you do it yet? Done? Good!!!

Justin claims to be a liberal supporting small business but really, as we have just learned, is not. He's no different then, me.

I am obviously a fan of big corporations. I mean why wouldnt I want to go into a massive chain and buy a sweet pair of jeans for $4.99. I mean yeah they're made by a young 13 year old Korean child whose living in poverty. Probably going home to some closet sized house with a family of ten to feed and one of those people needs constant care maybe from some disease but really, isn't that the child's problem? That's not my problem. I support sales on socks.

I'm glad Gabby's Produce broke down. Not for the same reasons Justin shares. This prevents Gabby from taking business away from the company's that need it. Ralphs, Albertsons, Vons, Jons etc.

Justin says he's happy it's shut down so he can get some sleep but if he really supported small business, he wouldn't be trying to sleep in, he'd be out there with Gabby trying to fix it. Justin, didn't I see you buying fruit at Ralphs the other day> Bravo my good man. You're a hypocrite.

By the way, I don't know if you all heard but Wal-mart's taking all the blood it's collected from their assembly line workers and are now going to have a sale on red paint. I don't get how those two things go together but whatever, I need red paint. The sale starts Friday so I'll be seeing you all at Wal-Mart. Peace!!!

By: Jeans Pants | Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 11:13 PM | |

Gabby's Produce

I support small business. I wish there was a way for every salesman to be able to accomplish whatever dream they have independently. That means not having to work for a monster corporation. Oh wait, I wish there was a way for everybody except Gabby, the fruit truck that lives 1 block away that has a loud horn that used to play the Pee Wee Herman Tequila theme every time he pressed the horn. Only now it just plays a loud collaboration of notes all in different key signatures. Did I mention that he gets in his truck at 7:30 am and rides sometimes all the way until 9pm?

Where does he ride you might ask? Well he rides up my street which is a short 3 blocks long, then down the street right behind me which is the same distance, then back up my block.

The sound of his horn is so ear piercing. It's like nails on a chalk board. It's rough when I get to sleep in and instead am awoken by the sweet sounds of Pee Wee Herman. I forgot this beautiful add on to the story. Gabby drives up my street, backs into my driveway to turn around, and bottoms out. There are scrapes all over the apartment driveway from Gabby. Whenever I hear that horrible scrape it brings out the beast in me. It makes me want to murder a small village.

Did I mention that Gabby is a middle age fat man? I just thought I should mention that because whenever I say the name Gabby everybody thinks of a woman.

Good news on "The War against Gabby". That's what I call it. Catchy isn't it. Two days ago I saw Gabby working on his truck. This morning when Gabby bottomed out on my driveway at 8 am the truck could be heard choking. Today when I got home (which was around 7) Gabby was parked with the trucks hood open and parts were all over the ground. For the time being, Gabby's Produce is dead and maybe I can sleep in.

To anyone that doesn't know this; I live across the street from a huge cemetery. You need to understand that Gabby's horn is very loud. I always wondered, when there's a funeral, are the services interrupted by Gabby? Or do you think that maybe some people laugh to themselves when they hear Gabby? Or maybe people hear it and get hungry and start craving fruit? Nothing get's me hungry like the Tequila song.

One things for sure, the dead and I should be getting a good nights sleep tonight.

By: Jeans Pants | at 1:39 AM | |

Fuck, Shit, Piss, Asshole, Prick, Pussy, - what do all these words have in common? Go Ahead, take a fucking guess

C.B.S is pulling their regularly schedule broadcast of the 9/11 documentary titled "9/11". For anyone who hasn't seen this documentary it's something I highly recommend. Not for entertainment purposes but for the experience.

"9/11" was originally a documentary about being a rookie firefighter in New York City. If memory serves me correct the documentary begins in late August 2001. The movie chronicles what life is like for fire fighters in New York. We even get to see the rookie's pay check. For 2 weeks of work he gets $377. It sucks.

We see a little of the firefighters everyday life all the way up until 9/11. To anyone that has ever wondered where the only footage of the first plane hitting tower one came from it was from the documentary. The firefighters were out fixing a gas leak when they heard the plane, looked up and saw the first plane hit.

At this point we get a short ride in the fire engine to tower one, and both the engine house and the film crew are one of the firs to enter tower one. From this point the documentary is crazy because you bare witness to a barrage of lost faces not knowing what to do. One of the document Arians walks outside to get a closer look at the tower when the second plane hits. The film crew is still in tower 1 when tower 2 collapses and we watch the firemen escape on camera.

It's scary, it's real. It's also not going to air on CBS. Why? Because some "family values" groups are worried about the "hardcore profanity" within the film. At least we know there ok with the violence right? Oh heaven forbid that my son hears someone yell "shit, are you ok?" or "fuck, run!!!". You're afraid of your kids watching, then don't let them watch it. Solved that problem.

Listen I have a better idea. I may need some help with this one. I am going to re-edit this documentary. It's illegal I know but picture this, the plane is about to hit tower 1 when it makes a sharp turn. It goes past the towers, it lands on the only empty street in NY, the door opens and out comes Bin Laden. He says “I’m sorry America. My plan was to terrorize you but....*tears*....I can't do it. I love you all". Or, this is better, Right before the second tower gets hit, Superman arrives just in time. Wait, wait, I got one better. We re-edit it so it looks like nothing happened. Because isn't life just happier that way. Oh wait none of the would fix the swearing. Because to make it still believable I would have to cut out all the swears because in real life, no one ever swears.

Who was it in history that decided that certain words are bad? Did one person strike his thumb and yell "FUCK!!!" and did someone turn to him and say “oh my that's a bad word"? Where in life were these decisions made? I do wonder how many kids would watch that documentary and every time someone swears think to themselves " Oh man that's cool". Then when those kids swear I guess you could blame 9/11 right?

So the answer to my question above, what do all those words have in common? It's not that they're swears, Not that their bad words. It's that they're just words. And nobody should be afraid of them.

So to all you family values groups I just want to say Fuck you all and to all my readers I want to say I fucking appreciate you and love you all. Thanks for reading my fucking blog and reading my fucking shit. You sons of bitches are too good to me. See you all later fuckers.

By: Jeans Pants | Monday, September 04, 2006 at 10:05 PM | |

Crikey I'm Dead!!!

What to soon? Ok I would think the header for my post would be insensitive too if he didn't die doing what he loved. As most people learned in the past 24 hours Steve Irwin famous for being called "The Crocodile Hunter" died yesterday while filming a documentary for I believe "Animal Planet". He was swimming above a sting ray when the creature got scared and stabbed Irwin in th heart.

Don't get me wrong death is a big deal. Believe me I know. Irwin was the type of guy where people knew that his job is what would kill him. No conversation about the Crocodile Hunter would be brought up without at least once person chiming in with the " Oh he's going to get himself killed one day" quip.

I wasn't a devoted person to the Crocodile Hunter show or really anything he did. But for some reason I know I'll miss seeing him on TV. There will never be an over the top personality on animal planet like him. If someone else did try it, it would just be considered copying. So if there's an another side Mr Iwin, I'll see you there. You'll probably be wrestling angels or something along those lines.

By: Jeans Pants | at 8:34 AM | |

I Can't Wait

The movie I was looking forward to the most this year was Pirates. Now that that's already out I have a new movie I can't wait to see and just look at these posters.

Yeah I hate snakes but this is incredible



I'm not that much of a drinker but this could be fun. Wait, maybe it's not
going to be beer...



This could be fun



I got nothing for this one

By: Jeans Pants | Friday, September 01, 2006 at 7:29 PM | |