Justin

As a lot of you may know already my friend Mike caught a strange man
climbing his balcony about 2 weeks ago. Without even thinking
Mike ran after the guy. He didn’t catch him.

J. Colbert
Was it because Mike's lazy? Is he a fat man?

Justin
You know what he looks like. Anyways, he didn’t catch him. The only description
he could remember was that he was a black man with dreads.

J. Colbert
Maybe if he wasn’t wearing that white hoodie and carrying that burning cross Mike would…

Justin
Have caught up to him? Yeah you said this once before.

J. Colbert
Just stating the obvious

Justin
So the other day, yesterday I think, my friend (for security reasons we won’t use her real name, we’ll just call her Angela) Angela was sleeping only to be awoken by her neighbor from below who was blasting his music at 5 am.

J. Colbert
What kind of music?

Justin
Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.

J. Colbert
Yes it does actually. Let’s say if he was playing Daft Punk, Billy Idol or Elton John from the 70’s then she should have knocked on his door and said “let’s jam”. But if it was something like Linda Eder or Elton John from the 80’s then she should have called the Police.

Justin
You don’t like Elton from the 70’s? Who’s Linda Eder?

J. Colbert
Elton from the 80’s is the kind of music John Lennon or Jim Morrison would have wrote if they weren’t high all the time and to answer Linda Eder, she’s some sort of a Broadway great. She was in Jekyll and Hyde and other shitty musicals.

Justin
How are you familiar with Linda Eder?

J. Colbert
How are you familiar with her?

Justin
Ah, touché. Moving on. So he playing music at 5am which I guess he’s famous for. Angela banged on her floor with her broom to get his attention, hoping he would turn it down.

J. Colbert
Is she a witch?

Justin
Is she a witch….oh because of the broom? You’re an idiot. So once she starts banging on the floor he starts banging back, and swearing loudly. Oh on a side note Angela said this guy is a big druggie.

J. Colbert
Why, because he’s black?

Justin
No one said he was black

J. Colbert
Oh. Was he?

Justin
I don’t know

J. Colbert
So he probably was

Justin
Then the guy comes running up the stairs and starts banging on Angela’s door and calls her a Mexican cunt.

J. Colbert
I thought she was Spanish

Justin
That’s because you’re ignorant. So she has moved on for the time being and is living with her sister. The landlord I believe is giving the guy 3 days to clean up or he’s evicted. Even if he does get evicted he’s still there for 30 days.

J. Colbert
And 30 nights

Justin
Thank you. People would have been confused if you didn’t add that last part.

J. Colbert
So Mike had a random black man with dreads climb up his balcony and Angela had a black junkie neighbor…

Justin
No one said he was black

J. Colbert
…he banged on her door and called her names?

Justin
Yes

J. Colbert
Neither one of them got a good look at the persons face?

Justin
I don’t know

J. Colbert
It was probably Bob Marley

Justin
What? Isn’t Bob Marley dead?

J. Colbert
Let’s IMDB him…….Yup he’s dead. It was his ghost

Justin
Come on!!!

J. Colbert
Angela should have opened the door and offered him some heroine.

Justin
I don’t think she has that stuff.

J. Colbert
Have you ever been in her apartment?

Justin
No

J. Colbert
Oh there’s heroine everywhere

Justin
What?

J. Colbert
Especially under her bed.

Justin
How would you know this?

J. Colbert
I have friends on the inside. Don’t get me started on her bong collection

Justin
Ok this is over

J. Colbert
Hey man this is the type of stuff witches do.

Justin
She’s not a witch. We’re still on that huh?

J. Colbert
What if she was so high she imagined it all.

Justin
Forget it I’m pulling the plug. Angela take care of yourself

J. Colbert
Lay off the Reefer.

Justin
OK and Mike Good job with what you did. That was crazy and brave

J. Colbert
Next time you see a black person, try not to chase him.

Justin
Especially if it’s Bob Marley.

J. Colbert
Good one.