Listen to me Whine Once again

So I guess I should mention this even though it's kind of personal. My relationship is on the rocks. It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. It's involved hairpulling, yelling and "what exactly are you doing with your life"acusations. Oh I should clear this up. It's not my relationship with Mollye that's in trouble. Oh no we're fine. It's my relationship with me that's on the rocks.

Part of my problem is I haven't had a good night sleep in weeks. That's without exaggerating. So I'm sure that's had an effect on me. As most of you know work has been bringing me down a lot. Every year my place of business releases a book with all the products it will be carrying for the next year. Even though this book changes very little year after year, it brings in herds of people/savages into the store wanting to look at the "new" product they just saw in the book. Another thing a lot of people don't realize is that not only is it a lot of the old stuff just rehashed but a good portion of the old stuff is now higher in price.

Another thing that has sucked (and I also mentioned this in an early post) is that the people I work with really don't care about their job. As a result from the call out, that causes their fellow employees (not their managers) to stress out because that leaves them with more work. Supposedly Two employees, (one that's on her final warning and another who has already called out everyday since Sunday) did a no call no show today. The girl on her final I'm sure is terminated and the other person gave her two weeks notice 1 week ago so I'm sure she's not coming back.

Here's something really embarrassing I'm going to mention. I've been finding myself sneaking off the floor a lot. Sometimes to the bathroom, other times to the label room. Sometimes I sit there, contemplate my life. Or sit there and think about how horrible people. Or I sit there and think about how some of the employees have been acting about there job. Or I sit there and cry a little. Yeah I said it was embarrassing

I haven't been happy with my neighborhood lately. My neighbor downstairs must have just bought a new sound system so my floors shake once in a while. One of those times was 9 am on a Saturday morning. When their not playing their bass music the other people around me are. The weird thing is the people around me play the same song over and over again. One of those songs that's played sounds a lot like Dr Dre's "Nuttin But A G Thing" (but it's not) and the other is "Ghetto Superstar" and the songs are on repeat. FUCK!!!

Another thing about my neighborhood is the fruit truck. It's this big white box on wheels that reads Gabby's Produce on the side and it used to play that Pee Wee Herman "Tequila" song every time he pressed the horn. It was that song all day long since I moved here a year and a half ago. It's so loud that I need to turn up my music/movie every time it drives by. It also backs up into my apartment’s driveway to turn around. Because the truck is so heavy it always bottoms out and makes this huge scraping sound. He starts everyday at 8 am and stops at about 9pm. You suck Gabby. Fuck you!!!

A funny thing that involves the fruit truck is that across the street from my apartment there is a tall wall. Behind that tall wall is one of the biggest cometary’s in all of LA. Now I wonder how many funerals involved the sound of "Tequila" playing loudly over a service. Forget funerals. Imagine visiting a loved one and hearing that sound the whole time followed by a loud scrap. If that happens to you yell my name. Most likely you're in my neighborhood. I'll come over and we'll say goodbye to that loved one together.

My apartment itself is fine. It has Mollye, my cats and all my stuff, so that's happiness right there. It's weird though, there something about it that sometimes makes me want to not go back to it. When I used to run, and I think this might be why I've stopped, I found myself running from my neighborhood to a really nice one just a few miles away. When I'm there I don't always want to turn around. Again it has nothing to do with Mollye or anything else with the apartment. I think it's just me wanting to be settled in a home with a yard. It's me being selfish. Wanting to magically make something out of nothing.

We also have lots of ghetto bird (helicopter) fly overs where the police are obviously taking down somebody.

There is a plus to where I live. I live in a hot location for where they film the TV series "The Shield". If you've never seen "The Shield" before then you should know that it's a mixture of corrupt cops and the taking down of drug lords. What a better neighborhood then mine.

Lot's of people would tell me "if you're so unhappy then move". Well I'm unhappy but not comfortable. I think any one bedroom I move into I'll be pretty depressed. I'm not afraid to go on walks or say hello to my neighbors. I just want to finally take that next step and I'll be in this apartment until I can take that next step. Whether it's a house or a 2 bedroom, I don't see a point to move until I have more money.

With my grandmother being sick, customers acting selfish with a touch of bitchy, loud music playing around me, no sleep and having that urge to move on in life, I'm going through a weird time. I'm not asking for attention or sympathy I'm just warning those that know me. I could be a little weirder then usual. If I succeed at being weirder then I already am then I will have achieved something no one could challenge.

I think this is my ending. I need to go find something funny to watch or read. So...The END