"The Mis-Adventures of Justin Adams"

Yesterday I went to sleep at about 3AM and woke up at 8. I didn't wake up at 8 by choice. My annoying cat (Baby Shoes) wouldn't stop walking on my head. Not only that but he had this obsession with walking all over my bed side table and knocking stuff over. At the time I didn't know why he wanted so badly to go on my bedside table, but it was his goal and he was determined to accomplish it. If that wasn't bad enough to try and sleep through a scent was permiating from the floor. It was a strong, rancid scent of ammonia. As I looked down from the bed I noticed one of my blankets was on the floor with the smell of cat piss coming off of it. I have two cats. The other cats name is Mojo. Mojo is less likely to pee on things so I’m pretty sure it was Baby Shoes. When I got up and turned the light on I discovered the reason why Baby Shoes wanted so badly to stay on my bedside table. He was eating some Laughy Taffy I had left there. Baby Shoes you’re an asshole.

The rest of the day went by pretty well. Mollye was in Santa Barbara and she had called me to ask me to get quarters to do the laundry. Simple request right?

It’s 4:30, I leave with the goal to go to Ralphs, buy something cheap, and get $10 cash back in quarters. I get to Ralphs and realize that there is a Bank of America, which is my bank, on the upper level. Now if you’ve never been to Ralphs in Glendale it’s a little hard to explain. There are two levels to this parking lot. The lower level is where you’d find the entrances to both Ralphs and Long Drugs. The upper has a Borders, Petsmart and what I thought was a Bank of America.

When I walked to the escalator to go to the upper level I noticed it was out of order. Not only was it out of order but there was a giant mechanics ass sticking way up in the air and he looked like he was getting something out that was jammed. I figured he was busy so I took the elevator. I get to the second level, walk toward the Bank of America then realize that the entrance is actually downstairs. As I walked back to the escalator, the sun must have been in my eyes or I had a big brain fart but I was speed walking so I could make it to the Bank before 5 and my left hand swung into a fire hydrant. Who does that? Oh well, it hurt.

Since it is now past 5:00 I have to go back to Ralphs.. I buy a $2 thing of ice cream than get 10 dollars in quarters. On the way home there is this little aquarium store. I recently bought a fish tank from my job for $1.60. It was clearance. The tank is just big enough for a Beta fish. Mollye and I had agreed that we’d get a female Beta. So I stop in, buy a Beta Fish for $2.99 and then head to a Taco Bell, it’s bad for you but I was craving it. Mollye and I have been pretty poor so I was trying to be a good boyfriend and I wanted to call to ask her if it was ok for me to get food. She didn’t pick up. I decided that I would just leave and make food at home.

Now I’m home. I pop in a Jack Lemmon movie I had just received from netflix, then I look for something to eat. I take out the peanut butter and jelly but then realize, there’s no bread. After that I started to defrost some hamburger meat, but then realize there are no buns. I gave up. I had put the fish near it’s tank and went looking for the spring water Mollye and I bought so we could do water changes for our other Beta Fish. I searched and searched for it but couldn’t find it. I then opened the fridge. There it is. If you’re not familiar with fish they need clean spring water and it can’t be cold. I called Mollye again and this time she picked up. I asked where the water was she said “the fridge”. Knowing I was going out again I asked if I could get Taco Bell she said “of course”.

I head for Taco Bell. I walked in and bought two chalupas and two burritos. Once I got back to my car I realized I paid for two of each but only received one of each. I went back in and luckily they realized their mistake and got the rest of my order. Now back to Ralphs for water, bread and buns. I go in, get it and leave.

Something I thought was funny happened in Ralphs. Two girls, a redhead and a brunette were also looking at the bread. They were very Valley Girl.

Brunette

You know if you’re going to buy white bread it has to be Wonder bread

Redhead

That’s so true

Brunette

Anything else would be absolutely ridiculous

Redhead

Totally

I thought that was funny.

As I’m pulling up my street there are no cars parked on one side and the other side has tons of spaces. As I get to the drive way to my apartment complex I see, not a fruit truck, not am ice cream truck, but a Snow Cone truck parked in the only entrance to my apartment complex. I sit there for a second as he sells his snow cones from his truck in my driveway to this overweight disgusting family. I refer to the family this way because I now hate them. I sit, I wait. After a while I gave a honk because, well, I want to go home and what he’s doing is illegal.. Once I gave the honk the mother stuck her first finger up giving me the “just wait a minute” gesture. Really? Your not kidding me with this?

Finally the Snow Cone truck leaves and I can go home. From then on I stayed in, where it was safe. Until I took my first bite out of my burrito and it spilt all over my new favorite shirt.

I just want to ask, who invented the Snow Cone truck? Who invented the truck that sells shredded ice with syrup on it? Fucking people.

I woke up this morning and couldn’t figure out why my hand hurt so bad. I looked at it and noticed a bruise. I then thought “oh yeah, the fire hydrant.