Jeffery (revised)

There's a story I'd like to tell you. It's about someone I work with. His name isn't Jeffery, but for this post it will be. Jeffery is a person I never knew much about, I just knew I didn't have alot in common with him. Now I work in the beds department and he, well doesn't. When I was told he would be coming to my department I was like, Eh, but during the duration of the time I was spending with him I realized I wanted to kill him.

One of the first things about Jeffery I hated was how he would just keep disapearing. It would get pretty busy on the floor and he would be no where to be found. The first day I worked with him he asked me if I could switch with him the next day. He wanted me to take his closing shift and he would open in my place. I couldn't, due to prior obligations. I did go out of my way to get my buddy Andy to come in on his day off to cover the last half of Jeffery's shift.

The next day I teased him and said you owe me a thank you, his response was "for what" I just shook my head and said "forget it". Andy was coming in at 5 for Jeffery. Basically starting at 4:30 Jeffery got antsy and and kept asking "wheres Andy? wheres Andy?". He also kept walking away from the department which left only one person to deal with all the customers. Andy showed up at 5 like he said he would to and Jeffery ran out. Did I mention the place he had to be was in front of a TV screen watching sports?

Getting to the point I'll just say that was the beginning of me finding him annoying. He always had to go to the bathroom. He must have taken 6 shits a day because his bathroom breaks were 10 minutes long. The other great thing is he never used the bathroom on his breaks or lunches. He would come back from lunch and tell us he was going to the restroom.

All of you might think I hate this person. I don't. I think a big weakness of mine is giving people the idea that I'm pissed when I write some of my posts. I'm actually not. What I'm about to tell you is what inspired me to write this post. This I find shocking.

The other day I was working with him in his department. It was me, him and another girl. I forgot to mention above he turns his 15 minute break into 30 minutes and his 30 minute lunches into 45 minutes. For the record we get 2 breaks and 1 lunch at work. Anyways. So he takes his first 30 minute 15 minute break. Then he takes his 45 minute 30 minute lunch. Then I go one my last 15 at 7:00. 7:05 he sits with me and takes his last break. at 7:20 (Yes I was late) I start heading back to work. As I get up he lays down on the couch and says "Yo J, I'm going to take a nap, if I'm here in a half hour wake me". Confused I responded with "OK". When I went down to tell the girl I was working with what he said she responded with "AGAIN!!! He does this all the time". I asked if anyone told management about it and she said they were aware of it but she doesn't think anything is being done about it.

When I left at 7:50 he came back down to the floor. So he was up there on his 15 for 50 minutes. This is whats awesome. When I went upstairs to leave, I saw Andy in the break room. I went in to say hello to him and as we spoke, Jeffery came in to get a drink. I couldn't believe it. I just opened my mouth in shock at Andy and walked away.

I forgot to mention that this son of a bitch also likes to high five everyone for everything. He's going on break, high five. He's going to the bathroom, high five. He's coming back from the bathroom, high five(which is kind of gross since he's been in the bathroom for 10 minutes). I hate high fives. Their annoying. I was talking with a co-worker today and had a thought. Do you think he high fives after sex? Do you think he finishes, rolls over, raises his hand high and goes up here girl?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is "Come work for IKEA". You can shit all you want and sleep through most of you shifts and no one cares. It turns out I've been working at a great job and didn't even know it. Apply now, I hope to see you there.