"The Davinci Code" Oh how I compare thee to Constipation

So the other night Im standing in front of this booth and there was a lady on the other side of it. I don't know what motivated me to do this but I handed her money, in return she gave me tickets to "The Davinci Code". It's shocking isn't it? She nor any of her colleagues felt the urge to say "hey this movie really isn''t that good, in fact it's shitty". Would that be like me at IKEA purposely selling shitty beds to customers letting them think I'm giving them good deals...oh wait.

Moving on, the even better part is that it would be a 4 hour wait but luckily I was with Mollye, Mike, Amanda, and Angela to pass that time. The five of us paraded around the mall for a bit, I had stomache pains recently and they would come and go during the night but I didn't let that get to me. Mike had been excited about this movie for a while. So excited he was quoted saying "I'd give up sex for The Davinci Code any day". Ok he never said that. He was excited though.

So a good night comes and goes. When did it go you might ask ? Why when the movie started silly. About 5 minutes into the movie I realised something about myself, that I was bored. The beginning of the movie was so choppy it felt like it was filmed staccato. The movie got interesting in the middle when Ian Mckellan arrived but it didn't last long. It was like going on a slide that sucks. Your climbing and climbing thinking that something good will come out of this. Little do you realize some "asshole" glued glass all over the slide itself so when you finally go down, it torture. Does that mean Ron Howard is that "asshole"?

Did I mention the movie wouldn't end. It was very drawn out. As the title of the post said, it felt like being constipated. All I wanted to do was "go", but I coudln't. Mike and Angela were more mad at the fact that alot of the historical references were deleted and alot of the scenes were squeezed into one scene to save time. That did upset me to. Not as much as the pacing. The big change that killed me was the cheesy ending. I wanted to start cutting myself to get my mind off the fact that I was bored out of my mind. Oh I forgot to mention this movie had the greatest car chase I've ever seen, NOT. Last time I said that I was 12.

I'll just end by saying everything was cliche, silly, predictable.The story/movie was just too simple. Thinking back to the book I remember solving alot of this stuff out on my own before the supposed twists would come. Maybe I didn't like the book either. Ron Howard directed this film. I always felt he's a hit or miss director. I loved Cinderella Man so I know he knows how to make a good movie. Maybe someone should mail him a copy of the book. But would that help?