"Adams 2008"

Thats right ladies and gentlemen. After bareing witness to planes flying into buildings, after watching a hurricane slam into the gulf coast destroying homes and killing thousands, after watching this administration lie, cheat, and con it's way out of everything Ive decided to do one thing to make a difference. In 2008 , get your ballots ready because yes, I am running for God. That's right with me in power not only will I give myself a shitload of money but I will also help others. How so you may ask? Well under this last administration we have seen a countless amount of hurricanes plow through the US border , I promise if elected that I will bring us back to a time where hurricanes are just a nuisance and not this horrible menace that has been taking lives from us over these last few years( pause for applause).
Under my term I will also renew Arrested Development for another 12 seasons. We will destroy horrible programming like "The War at Home" "Bones" "American Idol" , hey these are all fox shows, what do you know. As I was saying destroy these shows to make room for Arrested Development everynight of the week.
I guess I'll also take care of the homeless issue, build free Baja Fresh's all across Africa, make red states pink( I wont change them too quickly, it takes adjustment), and get rid of guns.
Why do people need guns? If you get rid of guns you get rid of most of crime. I will abolish all guns. Once the guns are gone people will have to mug other people with swords. Wouldn't that be so much cooler. It would also inspire people to learn how to sword fight. Imagine how cool that would be. You turn the corner and you see this awsome sword fight going on. You can choose to watch or join in with your sword. Aaaaaaahhhhhhh swords are cool. Now for a quick second imagine lightsabers, ok Im done.
I will also give everyman the Shallow Hal complex. Guys will find every woman attractive until they find their perfect one. Once that happens everyone else becomes ugly. That way even ugly girls get attention and once the man and woman are married the man would only want them, everyone else is ugly now. The same works with the opposite sex.
Heres the last big thing I'll do. I will destroy cancer. Im so sick of this disease. Once elected I would find the disease and beat the shit out of it, than kill it. Doesnt that sound nice.
Ok you heard me and hopefully you believe in me. Oh I will also give snakes legs and replace planes with starships. Remember come election day. Vote Adams 2008.